yeah so yesterday was possibly the hardest thing i've ever had to do, i had to say no to his face
ok i wont say i dont wanna go back out with him, because well thats just a fucking lie
but o well, we acted like a couple for the whole night and then - it was goodbye
i miss him so much
we wudda been going out for 6 months yesterday
so aye it would of all seemed so perfect if we'd of got back together, until the next week of course, when i wanted to go out and couldnt because he'd get annoyed
the fact that i've had my own life for the past 2 weeks kinda means i duno how to get out of it again
i like seeing all my friends again, but i do miss him so much
like lastnight was really nice
cuddling, holding hands and kissing etc
the fact that i knew it wasnt gonna last very long made it slightly less perfect however
i'm starting to think saying no may have been the wrong decision, even if i no it was the best decision for me in the long run
ok so i might not get hurt again, but being happy doesnt look like its gonna happen either
and then lou said "well are you sure you deffo dont wanna go out with him?"
and its not the fact that i dont want to!!!!!!!
argh have to go
shit breath says we must retreat to desks
love
xxx

Howdy ho

so yeah sitting in computing and due to library bints, ie. there are now actually NO sites that arent restricted, other than this one....i am on here, writing on this that i NEVER do


yeah am rather bored - didnt come yesterday, started new topic, confusion of the highest manner

went to art. chloe and dani are away to tescos with mr walker...its well odd. hah

aye so anyway. i'm trying to waste the period
ggahhh
boredom





lalallalalala
yeah i dont know what to write
yeah ok this is pointless slavering
oh i wrote about 8 more poems lasntight
so i have a few more to put in paintings etc

the fun you can have with a ring and a pen eh



later





xx




x

x
x

x
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yeah so its over then

hmm he finished with me 3 times in 4 days

i dont know him like i thought i did

and so much for him not going up the town this week - going up 2moro!!
o well at least i know that i have people behind me...suppose thats something

gig on friday
gig on saturday

yaya, although lack of money, but what can you do, i have to get steaming and attempt to forget he exists
am sure it wont work
i can try
i'm determined

xxx

yeah this might be me back, it might not be

hey,
not wrote in donkeys years, i decided my lack of entries were quite depressing
so yes hello

today will be no exception, feeling distinctly average
which is good compared to lastnight
i cant help it, hes making me mentally tired at the moment
i shall live
maybe

so yeah i have nowhere to write things at the moment, i dont feel right writing stuff like this in my sketchbook even though thats what its for, just because the pages are too big, and when your not in a very good mood whilst writing something you dont particularly want someone snooping about your thoughts, but then if you tell them not to read it you just look like an attention seeker, and it just makes things worse. so yes i decided against that option
having a diary is a disaster waiting to happen, cause then you get people wanting to read it if they find it, and well you look like a tit if you say no, and knowing derek he'd probably read it anyway
Random bits of a paper are a disaster waiting to happen aswell, they get lost and found, but unfortunatly not by the same person
so yes this is my last resort, since i never write in it anymore, theres not really very many likely people who are going to want to read it are there...so yes
anyway

i'll write later, since i just remembered there is something i must tend to

byebyexxx

Enid Yellow and the bizarre events that will follow....

Ok so where did i get to? oh yes

Thursday - I think i basically sat and did pretty much nothing all day, oh went for a wee treck with michael - was presented with a duck that he had purchased me from his holiday....itttss rather cool! Derek phoned, had an argument with him over my treck, and basically felt like hanging up...o well - its all good

Friday - got up abnormaly early and got ready, packed - jumped in the car, went and picked chloe up at half 9, then we started the long and boring road to blackpool. We arrived at the bed and breakfast and was most delighted to find it was cosy and had a bathroom etc. Went and had a treck round everywhere, pleasure beach, piers, town and then retiredd to eat dinner, which i enjoyed very muchly. Then went over the road for a wee "swalley". I got very pissed, ended up doing a peter kay impression and took parts of skin away from my feet (oh the pain). Went to sleep chuckling.

Saturday - Got up at quarter to 9, just to have breakfast...i felt like shite. Went to the pleasure beach, me n chloe basically spent all day there....we went on:

Pepsi max (twice)
Spin Doctors
The Bling
Steeple chase
Wild Mouse
Ghost Train
Ice Blast
Various Archades
Kentucky Derby
Big Dipper
Avalanche

i cant quite remember any others. Then went back to the room, got changed, had a few wee swalleys in the room - and was then disappointed to realise we werent going out and had got ready for no reason, we sat in keri and grants room until the wee hours of the morning. Fell asleep almost instantly

Sunday - was pretty uneventful, got up for breakfast, did some wondering, left at 12....got home at 3ish. I got home and dondered about, speak to derek on the interweb and saw him on camera. Then i left at about 7 for chloes......Her free house was pretty shite, no offence to her - i just felt completely alone and the odd one out, stuck with zoe pretty much until she went home...everyone was disgracfully drunk, apart from moi! had various fonecalls from derek in an attempt to cheer me up, but it just annoyed me more. Went to bed.....

Monday - Woke up at chloes, made an exit at about 11, after helping tidy up etc. Came home went on msn for a bit, had a bath, went to sleep at about half 4 - was slightly disappointed as i wanted to watch sabrina goes to rome as i love the film. Woke up for half my dinner, then went back to bed....went on the net at 9 to talk 2 derek...that cheered me up. Spoke to him till about 10, then went to watch big brother...was quite cring worthy. Derek foned before it finished, it started well, had another argument about michael, was so stupid - he realised he was being a tit and apoligised....we had a slight giggle before he ran out of money. I foned karlene....got off the phone to her. Had my first "disagreement" which michael ever, clearly it was over fuckface...it annoyed me he went to see her, but i had no right to be annoyed, still he got my point - i then felt like a complete bitch! Struggled to get to sleep......

Tuesday - Woke up at half 10, have not done alot except realise i am one of those sad gits who continously updates their myspace!!! And that is all, shall be seein karlene today - should be smashing, now i shall be off

toodles

xx

yes...hello - i cant think of any other interesting titles, as you can tell

Well let me see, what have I been doing?

Monday – well read harry potter during the day, finished it – was disgusted at the ending as you well know…then spent the night watching American Beauty with chloe, which was indeed much enjoyed

Tuesday – Spent the day trudging about town, and garden centres looking for a “cool box” with the parentals…..yes sad…..dropped in on the pancake place – then came home and washed, sanded and painted the iron gate – which took me a grand total of 2 hours……I am merely getting £7 for that. Spent most of the night on the phone to karlene, which was very fun, had a jolly old chat. Spoke to Derek a lot also, yes missing him still. Struggled to sleep, it was crap

Wednesday – Hmm well I got up, got dressed, cleaned my room – which I actually enjoyed, then spent the day with chloe watching pimp my ride and having a quick trip 2 tesco – I also enjoyed some pepperami noodles. Then she went home at about 6, I enjoyed a chippy, then went out 2 do some slavelabour – ie washing the car, which I strangely enjoyed very much – got totally soaked but it was fun. Another tenner for the kitty….then I came in and basically collapsed. Didn’t feel very well, watched big brother…got a phonecall from Derek – which was good. Then I spent basically the whole night on the phone to karlene again, talking into the wee hours of the night…I quickly fell asleep afterwards

Thursday – well today…am not dressed yet, and I haven’t yet done anything of significance…I’ll keep you updated

…..
xx

HARRY POTTER FANS WHO HAVE NOT READ ALL THE BOOK YET, DO NOT READ THIS ENTRY!!

I am infact going to sound like a broken record, but ack i am so bored

I have had 7 phonecalls from derek in the past 3 days - ok so i do trust him....he sounded really down earlier, hmm he wants 2 come home, and hes annoying mark and fudge by saying he misses me apparntly

everytime he gets off the phone to me
i miss him more

hmm i have finished reading harry potter, summary:

1.SNAPE murders dumbeldore....but only because malfoy is to afraid to
2. harry and ginny go out for a far chunk of the book
3. ron and hermionie express liking for eachother
4. harry claims at the end of the book, that he will not be returning to hogwarts - ron and hermioe say they wish to stay with him, and vow not 2 return either
5. the horuxue dumbeldore and harry fight for, turns out to be fake
6. harry becomes gryfindor quidditch captain, but does not succeed in actually seein the last match, ginny becomes seeker, gryfinndor win the cup anyway
7. voldemort is not even seen in this book

i am pisssed off dumbeldores dead, and the fact that he isnt returning to hogwarts reuins the rest of the books!!! so snape,malfoy,dumbeldore, and well all the hogwarts characters are all out of the book - mcgonnagol,hagrid - so how the fuck have the rest of the books got any chance in being good?! ack i felt like crying when dumbeldore died, and at his funeral

Sorry 2 any harry potter fans who could not resist the temptation, but since no one except my sad self has managed to read the book in 2 days, i could not tell anyone, and therefore had 2 tell someone or something before my frustration exploded!!!

yes
your
right
i
am
a
sad
twatt


goodbye
x